He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
