I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
