What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
