I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
