she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
