Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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