I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
