Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
