I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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