I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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