..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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