I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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