She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
