i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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