y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
