If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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