May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
