He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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