If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
