im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
