I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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