i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
