there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
