There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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