considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
