Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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