If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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