She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Sober January is a disaster.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
