he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We talked him into tasing himself.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
