I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
