Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
