I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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