I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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