Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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