Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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