Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
