That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
