So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
