take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
