I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize