I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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