My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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