just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
