Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
