Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize