come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
