she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
