It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
