So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
