Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
