I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think I sprained my soul last night
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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