no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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