wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
