i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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