Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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