mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Can I color on your dick again?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
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