I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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