if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
