I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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