Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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