matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
