bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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