he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
