Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
