I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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