She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
