everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Boobs speak an international language.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
