So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Fuck me I smell like cheese
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
