its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
