I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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